SchizoAuthoress | Vonn Loren (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
schizoauthoress) wrote2011-12-26 08:51 am
schizoauthoress) wrote2011-12-26 08:51 am
Unfair [DCU; Jason Todd, Kara Zor-El]
Title: Unfair
Author: D.L.SchizoAuthoress
Rating: PG-13 (this chapter)
Spoilers: for this whole series - Crisis on Infinite Earths #7 (1985), Christmas with the Superheroes #2 (1989), "Red Hood: The Lost Days" (2010)
Warnings: language, spiritual themes, ghosts
Prompt: wonders of the world
Word Count: 1611
Summary: There's a lesson here, I'm sure of it... whether Jason heeds it is less certain.
Note: Everyone knows that the middle is the best part of any story. And part of my trouble, I think, is that I get so enamored with world-building in the beginning that I forget to write much? So this series (Found!verse) will do some jumping aroud the timeline. Once I have a few more parts up, I'll make a chronological master post.
Lost Days, Found Friends: Unfair
Jason has gotten very good at talking and looking like he isn't. He moves through the crowd quickly, and hisses between his teeth, "What the hell are we doing here?"
"You could try to blend in a little better, you know," his companion says cheerfully. Jason glares for a moment. Unphased, she continues, "Look around you. Happy faces, joy and wonder. I put up with your gloom and doom enough that you can humor me for one day."
Jason is about to protest, but she does have a point. He can't remember the last time he did something that didn't have an immediate or eventual benefit toward his goal of getting revenge on the Joker and Batman. He glances around, and sighs deeply. Couldn't she pick something other than a circus? Not only will he have to put up with a bunch of clowns, circuses in general reminded him Dick. And when he thinks of Dick these days, he is reminded of how Dick had gone through the motions and pretended to care, but wasn't around when Jason could have used a big brother. 'Is that even true?' Jason wonders, as he breathes in air laden with the smell of cotton candy and sawdust. 'Or are my memories fucking with me again?'
Sometimes Jason isn't sure what's true and what isn't. Sometimes he feels like he has no happy memories that won't twist in his gut into sadness or anger. He looks up again, and Kara smiles brightly at him, beckoning him to come catch up with her. Jason feels his mouth twitch into an uncertain smile and walks a little faster, toward the ticket booth.
****
"So," Jason says, holding his hand in front of his mouth like he was munching on some peanuts. He's seated by himself on a bench in the very back of one of the sections. "There a reason you dragged me to a circus in Lublin?"
"It took me a while to find them," Kara replies, practically bouncing in her seat. "But I did, and they're actually alive, which is amazing. I'm not sure why they're with Sakhacircus, but when I heard they were touring Europe I kept an eye out to make sure we could catch a show."
It takes Jason a while to kick his brain back into gear and respond. All he can think to say is "...they're not supposed to be alive?" He can't quite bring himself to add the 'like me?' to the end of that question. "Who?"
"I don't think it's as simple as 'supposed to be', Jason." Kara goes calm, crossing her legs and folding her hands together over her knee. Jason smirks slightly at the pose she takes, recognizing the start of a lecture. But he remains silent, because he's actually interested in this topic. "The world used to be very different. There was more than one universe -- an infinite number, in fact, making up a multiverse that contained every possibility. I've told you about that. What I haven't said... is that you aren't the first 'second Robin' I've met."
Every time he thinks she's shocked him for the last time, Kara pulls out something like that world-shaking statement. His hand drops into his lap and he stares at her, dumbfounded.
Kara's smile is sympathetic. "Watch the aerialists. You'll see him." She points toward the center ring, and Jason's eyes automatically follow the movement.
Right now, there's an animal act taking place. Jason watches as the lion tamer snaps her whip and the big cats sit up and paw at the air, roaring in turn. He looks away for a moment to take a long drink of his soda, vaguely hoping for the caffeine to kick in and reboot his brain. He has the tiniest germ of an idea what she's talking about, but it refuses to take root -- refuses to be made sense of.
The ringmaster runs into the center ring as the lion tamer and her assistants lead the lions into their cages. He speaks effusively -- in Polish, and Kara helpfully translates his words.
"And now, one of the star acts of Sakhacircus -- the incomparable Flying Todds!"
Jason stares up at the three-person aerialist act, clearly a mother, father, and son. All of them are dressed in scarlet spandex with silver spangles along the sides. The mother is slender and dark-haired, her expression intense as she scans the crowd, waving as people cheer. The father is built a bit more bulky than the average acrobat, with fair hair and a strong jaw, smiling widely as he dips at the waist into a bow. They are eerily like Jason's own parents -- from the distance that he sees them, they could almost be Catherine and Willis.
In contrast, the son looks almost nothing like Jason himself. He's built on his mother's slender lines, with his father's strawberry blond hair, and obviously nowhere near as tall as Jason. He has his hands on his hips, his shoulders thrown back and a bright smile on his face. Jason realizes what that pose reminds him of and shudders as his mind fills in a different costume with a sunshine-yellow cape...
"His name is Jason Todd," Kara says softly. It's nothing that Jason didn't already know in his heart, which is pounding hard. "He and his family were part of Earth-One... one of five Earths saved from the Anti-Monitor and combined into the Earth of this universe. On Earth-One, his parents were murdered in Gotham City..."
"Bruce took him in." It's a statement, not a question.
"Jason was not Robin right away, but he eventually earned the title, when Dick renamed himself Nightwing..." Kara's hand rests against Jason's own, but he doesn't feel it. He rarely ever feels her touch, because she lacks a body. Jason closes his eyes for a moment, shutting out all the ghosts that surround him. But they are still there. They are always there... and Kara's voice continues even when he can't see her: "Until the Crisis that ended the multiverse... until you replaced him."
"No!" The denial bursts from him, louder than he intended, and a few people turn toward them -- toward him, because they can't see Kara sitting beside him. Jason ducks his head, so they can't see his mouth move as he continues to talk to Kara -- the otherworldly spirit beside him. "It's not the same. I didn't know about him. That... that stuff you're talking about didn't happen here..."
"Life moves on, Jason. You can't stop it."
Jason has his fingers curled in his hair, and he doesn't remember grabbing at his head. His breath comes harsh and uneven for a while before he can force the words out of his mouth, despite the pain they cause him. "They forgot about me. M-my father forgot about me."
"I know it hurts. I know, Jason, but they didn't forget you. Would you rather they grieved you forever, that they were always in pain?" Kara hovers out of pure nerves, worried for him. Jason is fragile in ways he will never admit, and things that hurt him can trigger unpredictable reactions.
"It's not fair..." Jason whimpers. He can't answer her question -- to say 'no' would be a lie because he's never seen any grief from them, but to say 'yes' would be cruel, wishing pain on his loved ones.
Kara reaches out, cautiously, focusing her energies so that when she rubs her hand between his shoulder blades, he'll be able to feel the touch. Jason's body jerks like an electric shock goes through him at the contact, but he only slides his hands so that the heels of his palms press against his closed eyes.
"It's just not fair," he repeats, softly and stubbornly.
"No," Kara says, just as softly. "It's not fair to you, or to him, or to anyone. We put our lives on the line. We sacrifice. We suffer. And the world at large never knows. But Jason..."
He shifts, lifting his head just enough to meet her eyes.
"I know. I remember." Her smile is sad. "I'm here. And that will have to be enough."
****
Jason refuses to leave, even after the emotional wringer he's been put through. He watches the Flying Todds all through their act, unware that he's keeping a grip on Kara's hand. (It's hardly an effort for Kara to keep her hand corporeal -- she had endured greater challenges reining in her prodigious strength while alive.) The other Jason doesn't quite move like Robin, but he can see shades of it. It's strangely fascinating, almost in the way that working a loose tooth can be.
"Is he happier, you think?" Jason whispers, as the Todds bow and wave to the applause afterward.
"His parents are alive. He's doing what he loves, what he was raised to do. And no one is trying to kill him." Kara's tone is patient, but with shades of 'explaining to a slow child' in it.
Jason's mouth twists sardonically, and he gives Kara a sideways glance. "Being Robin was the best thing that ever happened to me. I remember it and I miss it... if part of him remembers that life, do you think he's still happier?"
"He has your name, and in another world, he had the superhero identity you had. But he isn't you, Jason."
"That's obvious," Jason jokes, and points to his own dark hair. Kara laughs.
"I hope he's happier living this life," she answers after a few moments of thought. She doesn't say it aloud, but she hopes that someday, this Jason will be happy, too.
Author: D.L.SchizoAuthoress
Rating: PG-13 (this chapter)
Spoilers: for this whole series - Crisis on Infinite Earths #7 (1985), Christmas with the Superheroes #2 (1989), "Red Hood: The Lost Days" (2010)
Warnings: language, spiritual themes, ghosts
Prompt: wonders of the world
Word Count: 1611
Summary: There's a lesson here, I'm sure of it... whether Jason heeds it is less certain.
Note: Everyone knows that the middle is the best part of any story. And part of my trouble, I think, is that I get so enamored with world-building in the beginning that I forget to write much? So this series (Found!verse) will do some jumping aroud the timeline. Once I have a few more parts up, I'll make a chronological master post.
Lost Days, Found Friends: Unfair
Jason has gotten very good at talking and looking like he isn't. He moves through the crowd quickly, and hisses between his teeth, "What the hell are we doing here?"
"You could try to blend in a little better, you know," his companion says cheerfully. Jason glares for a moment. Unphased, she continues, "Look around you. Happy faces, joy and wonder. I put up with your gloom and doom enough that you can humor me for one day."
Jason is about to protest, but she does have a point. He can't remember the last time he did something that didn't have an immediate or eventual benefit toward his goal of getting revenge on the Joker and Batman. He glances around, and sighs deeply. Couldn't she pick something other than a circus? Not only will he have to put up with a bunch of clowns, circuses in general reminded him Dick. And when he thinks of Dick these days, he is reminded of how Dick had gone through the motions and pretended to care, but wasn't around when Jason could have used a big brother. 'Is that even true?' Jason wonders, as he breathes in air laden with the smell of cotton candy and sawdust. 'Or are my memories fucking with me again?'
Sometimes Jason isn't sure what's true and what isn't. Sometimes he feels like he has no happy memories that won't twist in his gut into sadness or anger. He looks up again, and Kara smiles brightly at him, beckoning him to come catch up with her. Jason feels his mouth twitch into an uncertain smile and walks a little faster, toward the ticket booth.
****
"So," Jason says, holding his hand in front of his mouth like he was munching on some peanuts. He's seated by himself on a bench in the very back of one of the sections. "There a reason you dragged me to a circus in Lublin?"
"It took me a while to find them," Kara replies, practically bouncing in her seat. "But I did, and they're actually alive, which is amazing. I'm not sure why they're with Sakhacircus, but when I heard they were touring Europe I kept an eye out to make sure we could catch a show."
It takes Jason a while to kick his brain back into gear and respond. All he can think to say is "...they're not supposed to be alive?" He can't quite bring himself to add the 'like me?' to the end of that question. "Who?"
"I don't think it's as simple as 'supposed to be', Jason." Kara goes calm, crossing her legs and folding her hands together over her knee. Jason smirks slightly at the pose she takes, recognizing the start of a lecture. But he remains silent, because he's actually interested in this topic. "The world used to be very different. There was more than one universe -- an infinite number, in fact, making up a multiverse that contained every possibility. I've told you about that. What I haven't said... is that you aren't the first 'second Robin' I've met."
Every time he thinks she's shocked him for the last time, Kara pulls out something like that world-shaking statement. His hand drops into his lap and he stares at her, dumbfounded.
Kara's smile is sympathetic. "Watch the aerialists. You'll see him." She points toward the center ring, and Jason's eyes automatically follow the movement.
Right now, there's an animal act taking place. Jason watches as the lion tamer snaps her whip and the big cats sit up and paw at the air, roaring in turn. He looks away for a moment to take a long drink of his soda, vaguely hoping for the caffeine to kick in and reboot his brain. He has the tiniest germ of an idea what she's talking about, but it refuses to take root -- refuses to be made sense of.
The ringmaster runs into the center ring as the lion tamer and her assistants lead the lions into their cages. He speaks effusively -- in Polish, and Kara helpfully translates his words.
"And now, one of the star acts of Sakhacircus -- the incomparable Flying Todds!"
Jason stares up at the three-person aerialist act, clearly a mother, father, and son. All of them are dressed in scarlet spandex with silver spangles along the sides. The mother is slender and dark-haired, her expression intense as she scans the crowd, waving as people cheer. The father is built a bit more bulky than the average acrobat, with fair hair and a strong jaw, smiling widely as he dips at the waist into a bow. They are eerily like Jason's own parents -- from the distance that he sees them, they could almost be Catherine and Willis.
In contrast, the son looks almost nothing like Jason himself. He's built on his mother's slender lines, with his father's strawberry blond hair, and obviously nowhere near as tall as Jason. He has his hands on his hips, his shoulders thrown back and a bright smile on his face. Jason realizes what that pose reminds him of and shudders as his mind fills in a different costume with a sunshine-yellow cape...
"His name is Jason Todd," Kara says softly. It's nothing that Jason didn't already know in his heart, which is pounding hard. "He and his family were part of Earth-One... one of five Earths saved from the Anti-Monitor and combined into the Earth of this universe. On Earth-One, his parents were murdered in Gotham City..."
"Bruce took him in." It's a statement, not a question.
"Jason was not Robin right away, but he eventually earned the title, when Dick renamed himself Nightwing..." Kara's hand rests against Jason's own, but he doesn't feel it. He rarely ever feels her touch, because she lacks a body. Jason closes his eyes for a moment, shutting out all the ghosts that surround him. But they are still there. They are always there... and Kara's voice continues even when he can't see her: "Until the Crisis that ended the multiverse... until you replaced him."
"No!" The denial bursts from him, louder than he intended, and a few people turn toward them -- toward him, because they can't see Kara sitting beside him. Jason ducks his head, so they can't see his mouth move as he continues to talk to Kara -- the otherworldly spirit beside him. "It's not the same. I didn't know about him. That... that stuff you're talking about didn't happen here..."
"Life moves on, Jason. You can't stop it."
Jason has his fingers curled in his hair, and he doesn't remember grabbing at his head. His breath comes harsh and uneven for a while before he can force the words out of his mouth, despite the pain they cause him. "They forgot about me. M-my father forgot about me."
"I know it hurts. I know, Jason, but they didn't forget you. Would you rather they grieved you forever, that they were always in pain?" Kara hovers out of pure nerves, worried for him. Jason is fragile in ways he will never admit, and things that hurt him can trigger unpredictable reactions.
"It's not fair..." Jason whimpers. He can't answer her question -- to say 'no' would be a lie because he's never seen any grief from them, but to say 'yes' would be cruel, wishing pain on his loved ones.
Kara reaches out, cautiously, focusing her energies so that when she rubs her hand between his shoulder blades, he'll be able to feel the touch. Jason's body jerks like an electric shock goes through him at the contact, but he only slides his hands so that the heels of his palms press against his closed eyes.
"It's just not fair," he repeats, softly and stubbornly.
"No," Kara says, just as softly. "It's not fair to you, or to him, or to anyone. We put our lives on the line. We sacrifice. We suffer. And the world at large never knows. But Jason..."
He shifts, lifting his head just enough to meet her eyes.
"I know. I remember." Her smile is sad. "I'm here. And that will have to be enough."
****
Jason refuses to leave, even after the emotional wringer he's been put through. He watches the Flying Todds all through their act, unware that he's keeping a grip on Kara's hand. (It's hardly an effort for Kara to keep her hand corporeal -- she had endured greater challenges reining in her prodigious strength while alive.) The other Jason doesn't quite move like Robin, but he can see shades of it. It's strangely fascinating, almost in the way that working a loose tooth can be.
"Is he happier, you think?" Jason whispers, as the Todds bow and wave to the applause afterward.
"His parents are alive. He's doing what he loves, what he was raised to do. And no one is trying to kill him." Kara's tone is patient, but with shades of 'explaining to a slow child' in it.
Jason's mouth twists sardonically, and he gives Kara a sideways glance. "Being Robin was the best thing that ever happened to me. I remember it and I miss it... if part of him remembers that life, do you think he's still happier?"
"He has your name, and in another world, he had the superhero identity you had. But he isn't you, Jason."
"That's obvious," Jason jokes, and points to his own dark hair. Kara laughs.
"I hope he's happier living this life," she answers after a few moments of thought. She doesn't say it aloud, but she hopes that someday, this Jason will be happy, too.